Perfect
by Dancing Nightmare
Summary: [Mangaverse, HavocxSolaris!Lust] Solaris had been perfect. He really thought that she had been the one.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Jean Havoc or Lust. They belong to the almighty cow Hiromu Arakawa. There, bow now. 

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Solaris had been perfect. She had been the one. Jean Havoc had been absolutely sure about that. Even if they had only dated for a couple of months or so, but he had been sure. She was attractive, funny, nice, clever and… just wonderful. She listened to him and he was strange enough glad that she said that she wanted to wait with the sex. She wouldn't be easily fooled. Solaris promised that she would never leave him for someone else, not even for that Roy Mustang. 

And even thought he had heard those words too many times, they seemed precious to him. To her.

_He thought that it, they, had mattered._

He had fallen head over heels in love with her. Jean used many days just sitting in bliss, knowing that he would meet her after work. But he had – purposefully – not told anyone about her. She was his little secret and that made him love her more.

_He really believed that she had loved him._

He had bought her a ring. A silver ring with a white shimmering pearl in the middle. It looked simple but it had cost him almost too much. Jean was going to propose to her and hope for the best, but he had never found the courage to do it. The small box had lay in his coat pocket for half a month.

_He had been such a fool._

Then that dangerous, dangerous mission had come up and the last time he was with _Solaris_ he gave her hints that they may not see each other again. And she had kissed him. Smack dab on the mouth and his homemade dinner was long forgotten.

And then, when Jean stood there in the hazy, dark, messy room with his rifle loaded he heard her voice. And he saw her face. He called her name in confusion, and his first thought was that she should run away because there was a homunculus here. Then he got it. He had been deceived.

"I will never leave you" 

"_I love you, Jean"_

"_You can trust me"_

Trust me. Love you. Those words seemed to be blurted out all the time nowadays. When talking to Solaris – no, Lust – he seemed cool and collected, but his mind was furiously crying out _Why, why, why?! _And even thought he knew that she wasn't Solaris, that Solaris was dead, had never existed, Jean held back the urge to plead the Colonel to not hurt her. Still he wanted her to be hurt, as hurt as he was.

Then everything happened too fast. It was just hazy memories of him throwing his lighter to the colonel, everything exploded and he walked in. And everything slowed down when her extended sharp nails pierced his abdomen and went through his spine. He fell and the pain was unbearable. He coughed blood and felt Roy's hand on his shoulder, calling his name in fear. And every ounce of power turned down and he fell down on the floor. Jean didn't want this. He didn't want to die; he didn't want it to end like this.

But his body couldn't keep up and shut him down. His eyes rolled back and blood seeped out from his half-opened mouth. Everything turned black.

And then he woke up in a hospital bed, trying to remember something. His stomach area hurt and when he touched it a hiss escaped from his mouth. The skin wasn't smooth or following the muscles as usual, it was rough and still reeked of burned flesh. The bed at his right side contained the colonel, sleeping. Roy didn't respond on the calls. He called for the nurse, Betty, who told him that he had been asleep for a while. And Jean rested, thinking and recalling. After a while Roy woke up and Hawkeye came. Many things happened and it didn't take long for Jean to realize that he couldn't feel his legs anymore. Like they were dead. He was told that Sol—Lust's nails impaled his spine and he got paralysed from the waist and down. Bye, bye military.

And then when Hawkeye has left Roy tells Jean what happened after Jean went out cold. That Lust almost killed them both, that he sealed their wounds with his flame alchemy. That he went after the dreadful homunculus, in pain, finding Hawkeye crying. He didn't tell why she was crying, and Jean didn't ask. And then that he killed her. Even thought the former lieutenant already had a hunch on that Lust must be dead he flinched. They were quiet and Jean felt a lump forming in his throat. Lust had died, Solaris had died. Even thought she had never existed.

Roy quietly asked if she had loved her. The other man didn't answer but it was enough for him. They sat like that, Jean looking down on his clenched fists and Roy just staring at the lemon yellow wall. Then he left and let the blonde sit there, thinking. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes and he cried. Boys don't cry. Real boys cry.

The ring still lay in his coat pocket.

-Fin- 

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A/N: **So, what do you think? Poor Havoc! Leave a review and if you hug Havoc you'll get a free cookie. 


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